Dr. Macartney: I see a chocolate Phil Collins popping out of a cuckoo clock every hour to tidy up his Nazi gold. Dr. Macartney: Say it with me, say it with me, funk-eh. Dr. Martin Dear: Funk-ee! Dr. Macartney: Funk-eh! Dr. Martin Dear: Funk-ee! Dr. Macartney: No, funk-eh! Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [scary voice] Funkehh! Dr. Alan Statham: [hanging in Joanna's office in a hangmansnoose] Help! [no reaction] Dr. Alan Statham: I need a wee! Dr. Macartney: Join me again next week on this episode of "Let's make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl. Sue White: Yes? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: I haven't asked the question yet. Sue White: Yes. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is the answer? Sue White: What? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is yes the answer? Sue White: Is the question. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: But is yes the answer? Take a gamble. Sue White: I don't know, is it? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Take a gamble. Sue White: No. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No is the answer? Sue White: No is the answer. Yes is never the answer. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So no is the answer? Sue White: No is the answer. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: So if I were to say, are you going to ever have sex with any other man apart from me, then your answer is no? Sue White: Do you want to have sex with me? I mean, do you want to just have, do you want to just fuck me now? Do you wanna do that? Do you wanna just get your cock out and fuck me now? How about that, yeah? Shall we, here... on the table? Yeah, how about whopping it up my ass, what about that Mr. Secretan? Not Doctor... but Mister. Yeah? One above Doctor, how about that yeah? Mr. Secretan whopping up the staff liaison's ass. [pause] Sue White: So wipe yourself down and come back and tell me what you think about that, 'kay? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Not sure I can stand up. Sue White: No? Well I'll leave for a few moments, shall I? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: OK. Shut the door. Sue White: OK. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [to Sue White] Do you know what I like about you? [pause] Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Fuck all. [leaves] Dr. Guilaume Secretan:
I could happily kill everyone with a baseball cap.
Dr. Macartney: One baseball cap? Dr. Alan Statham: Do you want me to report you for that earring? Dr. Macartney: Only if I can report you for the moustache. Dr. Alan Statham: Most females find body piercing repugnant. Luckily, I am still intact. Dr. Macartney: Yes, even I draw the line at piercing arseholes. [leaves] Dr. Alan Statham: Exactly! [realizes insult] Dr. Angela Hunter: Banter? Dr. Alan Statham: Yes. Dr. Caroline Todd: Did you just throw your breast at me? Sue White: No. Do you want me to? Dr. Caroline Todd: No. Sue White: [sitting at her desk, she has put a fan in front of her so that her hair flows freely in the wind. Throughout the conversation she wriggles around on her desk seductively] Dr. Macartney: It is a ridiculous shift pattern if it allows Secretan the arse and another key member of my team to go off at the same time, you know - together! Sue White: Key member of the team? - no. Scatterbrain floozy? yes! Dr. Macartney: Okay, I don't want to be without the scatterbrain floozy and without the arrogant knobhead at the same time. Sue White: Well, there is more than adequate cover. Dr. Macartney: I don't think there is. Sue White: Guy is far from irreplaceable, now that is something you've always said. Dr. Macartney: Yes, I've always said that - very happy to have him out of my sight. Sue White: And, you managed fine before the scatterbrain floozy arrived. Dr. Macartney: Did I? Sue White: Yeah! Dr. Macartney: Yes, I suppose I did, yes. Sue White: So what's the problem? Dr. Macartney: I don't want them to be off - both at the same time! I don't! Sue White: Why? Dr. Macartney: Just because. Sue White: Because why? Dr. Macartney: Because... because guy is a wanker! Sue White: Yeah, well, I actually, you know I don't draw up the rosters. Dr. Macartney: Sorry, are yóu on my side here, or not...? Sue White: Dr Macartney, Dr Macartney, yes, I'm always on your side, you know I'm by your side, I'm up your side, I'm through your side, I'm *under* your side... I'm all over your side. Dr. Macartney: Okay, that's time for me to go now, okay. [leaves] Sue White: I can do headstands! Now, would you like to see that? Would you...? The...? Would you like to see that? [she stands up, pulls up her skirt and fans her crotch] Sue White: Ohhhh... [Dr Secretan comes into Sue's office with a small boy under his arm] Sue White: What's this? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: It's a kid. Um, what do they eat? Sue White: Is it lost? Dr. Guilaume Secretan: No. I borrowed it from someone because I'm trying to pull and apparently women love it. [pause] Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Is it doing anything for me? Sue White: No. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: [he puts the child down on Sue's desk] Here, you have it. [he leaves] Sue White: [looks at the child less than enthusiastic] Er, hello. toddler: Hello. Sue White: Hello. Umm... do you, do you want one of these? [she pulls a lolly out of a drawer] toddler: Yes, please. [holds out a hand towards the lolly] Sue White: [pulls the lolly away] Well, you can't have it. Sue White: Oh, God, you know, I am sorry to drag you in here again, Mac, I know this is boring. Bloody computer virus has wiped off half your record. So, still single, I see, and no-one can understand it! Why you haven't been snapped up is a mystery to me. Dr. Macartney: Aha. Sue White: [types something into her computer very quickly] God, I want you. Not just sexually, in every way. [fast typing] Sue White: I want to wake up next to you, watch you sleep, [typing] Sue White: run my hand over your back and edge forward into regions knowing that my hand could make you feel like no other could. [more typing] Sue White: Mobile phone number? Dr. Macartney: 07956, actually, I'm between... Sue White: Thighs? Dr. Macartney: ...networks. Sue White: Okay. [typing] Sue White: And, um... Oh, my God, I want to feel you in my mouth. [typing] Sue White: House number? Dr. Macartney: 21. Sue White: That's it! That's all we were missing. All righty. Well, you know, you're free to go. See you at the slave auction. Dr. Macartney: Yes. Sue White: [whispering] I have an unlimited budget! [Sue has bought Guy at the slave auction since Mac wasn't available] Sue White: Right, now, you are my slave and I can make you do anything I want you to, Dr Secretan. Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yeah, within reason. Sue White: Well, not necessarily. [she pulls a red curly wig out of her bag] Sue White:
An offbeat comedy from the team behind 'Smack the Pony', set in a hospital, and is very much character-based, with storylines involving a st...更多>